Thoughts on breastfeeding

I knew when I was pregnant with Eleanor that I wanted to breastfeed her for as long as possible. I was encouraged to do this by seeing friends who had been successful. But I had no idea how hard this would be. Really. I guess I just thought it would come naturally. It has truly been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I know that I wouldn't be able to do it without the support of Brad and our friends and family, especially my mom. I can't imagine doing this alone!

I thought it would be easier by now, but 9 weeks in, it is still difficult. It seems that we have one challenge after another. At the hospital, Eleanor did great with nursing. When we got home, she began to have latching issues, since she was so small. Fortunately, a nurse at the newborn clinic gave us a shield to use, which helped Eleanor t0 latch on and be able to nurse. The only problem with this is that she became dependent on it and now that she is big enough to nurse on her own, we are having trouble weaning her from it. Aside from the latch issue, I've had problems with clogged milk ducts several times and nipple pain from thrush. Recently, Eleanor has needed to go back to eating every 2 hours because her weight gain had slowed, and initially my milk supply hadn't caught up with her demand for it. Coupled with the shield, it seemed she couldn't get the milk as fast as she wanted it, so she would become fussy and frustrated. Although I was pumping every 2 hours as well, I wasn't able to pump enough to supplement her feedings. Thankfully, this seems to be getting better.

I want so badly to be able to nurse her for at least the first year. There are days when I'm not sure this will be possible. It's hard on Brad as well, and he's even started using the f-word (formula). I think things are 10x harder with a baby when you are nursing. It would be so much easier to just give in and use formula. But I don't want to take the easy way out. I am so blessed to be able to nurse my daughter. There are plenty of people who want desperately to be able to nurse their babies, but for whatever reason just aren't able to do so. I know that breastfeeding is the best thing that I can do for her, and the time we spend nursing is so special for both of us. I just love the bond we share. Seeing her sweet face getting all the nourishment she needs from my body helps me to make it through the tough times, like the pain of clogged ducts or the exhaustion of hour-long feedings every 2 hours. It still feels like an uphill battle, but seeing how happy and satisfied she is after nursing and knowing that I am doing what is best for her keeps me going. I am determined to make this work! Here's a photo of my sweet girl around 2 or 3 weeks old after she finished nursing. She gets so relaxed that she often falls asleep on the nursing pillow. :)

I would like to add that we have been seeing Dr Saenz at the MS Breastfeeding Medicine Clinic in Madison since Eleanor was about a week old. They are fantastic and so helpful. I was worried going in that we would be scolded for giving Eleanor some formula to supplement feedings since my milk didn't come in until the evening of day 5 or for using the shield to get her to latch. I'm not sure why I thought this, but they were nothing but positive and encouraging. Dr S even suggested that I pump sometimes and give her the expressed milk in a bottle. Her nurse showed us how to give the bottle in a way that more closely mimics nursing so she has to work for it. They also told me that the shield thingies that came with my breast pump were too small. I had no idea there were different sizes. It's been wonderful to get their feedback and not feel rushed. They are a great resource for any breastfeeding mom.